Dr. Leo Spaceman of 30 Rock
Doc-tor Leo Spa-chair-man
Only Tracy Jordan mispronounces is as Dr. "Space-man"
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Now, Jenna. Medically speaking, for your height, your weight puts you in what we call the 'disgusting' range. Fortunately, there are solutions. For example, crystal meth has been shown to be very effective. *holds up brochure* How important is tooth retention to you?
Jenna Maroney: It's pretty important... What about my crazy surgical options, Dr. Spaceman?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Please, Dr. Spaceman is my dad. Call me Leo. And there are some wonderful crazy surgical options. Are you familiar with the Bradshaw clinic?
Jenna Maroney: Am I? That's where the Olsen twins were separated!
Dr. Leo Spaceman: I've sent a number of my famous clients there (pic below)
Tracy Jordan: So how bad is diabetes, really?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Quite serious. If left untreated you could lose a foot.
Tracy Jordan: Could I replace it with a wheel, like Rosie from the Jetsons?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: I suppose. But then you'd have to register as a motor vehicle.
Tracy Jordan: Dr. Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will it tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM PIN code?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: When is modern science going to find a cure for a womans mouth?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. [Chuckles] Hmm, different time in the 60s.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: I have the results of your DNA Test, now, I am very serious about doctor/patient confidentiality, so I am going to have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: [answering phone] This is Dr. Leo Spaceman.
Liz Lemon: [confused] Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I got this number under fertility in the Writers Guild Health Manual?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Jack! Tracy! What can I do for you?
Jack Donaghy: We have a product we want you to give a medical endorsement to.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: I'll do it! What is it?
Jack Donaghy: It's called the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine. It's a dual-press grill.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Say no more. If it's giving people meat, then I'm on board. I've always said humans need more animal blood. It keeps their spine straight.
Jack Donaghy: We appreciate it, Leo.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: You boys need anything while you're here? [holds up bottles of pills] Some reds? Some yellows? Just got some purples in from Peru.
Tracy Jordan: I'm good.
Jack Donaghy: It would be rude not to take one or two.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: (Endorsing the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine) I’m a working physician with a degree from the Ho Chi Minh School of Medicine.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: [looking at X-rays] Damn it, where ARE my car keys?
Don Geiss is unconscious
Jack Donaghy: What's wrong with him, Leo?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Oh, to the untrained eye, it appeared to be, what we in the medical community call sleeping. But he is, in fact, in a diabetic coma, which could be avoided with what we call, eating *eats pretzel*
Jack Donaghy: Do whatever you can, Leo. He needs to wake up!
Dr. Leo Spaceman: [Sighs] Okay. This is the gross part. *Nervously injects Don* Ew ew ew ew ughhh.. Almost done, almost done.. Ah! *gags* Dammit! That shot was just a placebo. I was hoping that this was psychological. He may not be faking it for attention.
Jack Donaghy: Couldn't you just, you know, inject something right into his heart?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: [Laughs] I'd love to, but we have no way of knowing where the heart is! See, every human is different.
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Is it 411 or 911? *dials number* Er, New York? Er, diabetes repair, I guess *shrugs*
Everything here belongs to 30 Rock. I just love the show.